Procuring items in Spain (car-less version)

About a week ago, we realized that to facilitate lazy parenting (i.e., sending the big kids out to run around with the U.N. crowd downstairs), we’d need to buy some stuff. Like racquets for padel (a game similar to tennis), in-line skates, and a balance bike for Seth. For those of you who know Seth, you’ll appreciate that he spent the better part of the week wearing us down by pointing to the big kids’ bikes and saying “I ride that. I big enough.”

So we located a Decathlon (reputed by our Spanish friends to be a purveyor of cheap sporting goods), and set off. Here’s what happened next.

How to get there from here, Madrid version: So one thing that the savvy traveler should know about Madrid (or at least, Alcobendas) is that there is no map on which bus routes are overlaid on an actual street grid. Most bus maps look like this:

And most street maps look like this:

Which means that finding out how to go from hither to tither entails extensive cross-referencing of the bus lines with streets. An hour later, we determine that the only bus going to Decathlon is Bus 157; we’d need to walk 20 minutes to reach a stop for it, and then would only take it about 200 meters before getting to the store. We decide to walk.

The warning: On Google, the store’s one “rating” was a comment along the lines of “I drove to this address, but there is no store there!” Heather insists, however, that she saw the Decathlon sign in the approximately correct location while out on a run with Seth. We’re ready to go.

Setting out: We pick up the kids at 4:30 from school, and after a brief detour to drop off book bags, pass an eerily cheerful 15 minutes walking toward the store. Then:

· We pass a traffic circle festooned with signs pointing to the Decathlon. Good news!

· We take the wrong exit from the traffic circle. Bad news.

· We locate a street map mounted by the side of the road. Good news!

· Although they include a “you are here” dot in the legend, the map curators have neglected to place one on the actual map. Bad news!

· Three kids hanging off Heather and opining loudly about where we are (the “you are here” dot, dumb Mommie!) means she cannot correctly read the map. More bad news!

· We walk down a busy road, ask a bystander for help, and are directed to a pedestrian bridge over an arroyo. Heading in the general direction of the store. Good news!

· Notice the area is covered with an unnaturally large number of odd-looking mushrooms. Remember that Madrid is in a desert, and it hasn’t rained here in almost 3 weeks. Mushrooms probably bad news.

· Cross bridge, end up in abandoned (and possibly toxic), completely fenced-off brownfield. Very bad news.

By now we are getting some serious bad attitude from the kids. We retrace our steps and realize that it will not be possible to get to Decathlon unless we want to enter the equivalent of a 3-lane traffic circle with semi-trailers but no sidewalks. Then, Jon spots the 157 bus stop. We are saved!

40 minutes later: The bus actually comes. Kids have in the meantime eaten/drank every drop/morsel of food we brought; they are still hungry and have turned on us. We pay $6.50 for a 200-meter bus ride, upon which time we disembark and go to the sporting goods store.

The store: Enough like being in an REI to cause Mommie a hint of happiness. Look on Seth’s face upon seeing his new bike also causes great joy. General behavior of kids does not.

Retracing our steps: Another $6.50 for reverse 200-meter bus ride. Same bus driver, who gives us a knowing smile. Walk back home. Feed masses, supervise homework, put them to bed.

Elapsed time in transit: 4 hours.

Seth’s comments upon riding his new bike.

Seth: Oh I can do it!

Mommie: Yes, you just push with your feet.

(A minute elapses as Seth toddles around on the balance bike)

Seth: HOW I GO FAST ON THIS BIKE?

Mommie: You push hard with your feet! And practice!

(A minute elapses)

Seth: This bike not go fast. I want new bike go fast. All done this bike.